Article #15 FatherSpiritSon.com
Choose Your Friends Wisely! (Part 2 of 2)
In the last article of this series, I discussed how essential some form of companionship was for a variety of reasons. In particular I went through three of the primary reasons why it is so important for us to attain some form of companionship in our lives. The reasons that I went over were: (1) A natural human need for companionship, (2) our need for approval from others, and (3) our desire to be a contributing part of society. I also went into detail on what qualities and characteristics we should look for in our ultimate companion, that is in our potential wife or husband. For this next segment of the article I would like to delve further into some scripture concerning why we should be extra careful in considering a marriage partnership, as well as examine friendships and relationships outside of marriage based on God's word.
The Bible stresses the fact that if we are capable of doing so, without burning with passion, that we should not marry. Furthermore it warns us of the trouble we might experience if we do decide to marry someone. (See V*1). The truth of the matter is that it is a select few of us that are blessed with such a special gift. Those of us that do have that gift known as celibacy, should certainly take advantage of it and serve God with all our time, effort, and resources. I think that those of us that do not have this gift, which is the majority of us including myself, in a sense do have our interests divided between doing the direct work of God and caring for our families. I sincerely believe that, although I am sure God approves of us taking care of our families as long as we put Him first, it is extremely difficult to balance this out. This is made clear for me in 1 Corinthians 7:32-35. (See V*2). As we observe in this set of verses, Paul tells us that married couples are naturally concerned with pleasing one another. This is vital because as integral as it is for couples to look after one another in a marriage, it is just as important, if not even more important, that both the man and woman place God's word as the foundation of their marriage relationship. I would imagine that considering how difficult it is obeying God's word as a single individual, it must be even more of a challenge to serve God and devote yourself to Him when your life partner obviously deserves a lot of your attention as well.
As far as friendships outside of marriage, I think a lot of wisdom can be derived from Proverbs. In Proverbs we are instructed not to partner or associate with individuals that are hot-tempered. (See V*3). We are precisely warned that such relations can lead us to adapt to their ways and acquire them for ourselves. We should keep in mind that God's word is clear about anger. Although it is not a sin in and of itself, the Bible tells us that when we are angry that we are extremely close to sinning. We need to avoid reacting on negative emotions or anger whenever possible, and try to calm ourselves down before we respond to someone in a rage or fury. We should try our best to remember that often times we will not be able to take back the hurtful words that may be said in an angry manner or tone, that we truly didn't mean. It is amazing what some of us will say in the midst of a heated moment. (See V*4).
Despite all our flaws and imperfections we are more than capable of having meaningful, lasting, and successful relationships with our friends, family, and significant others. It is because of our imperfections, however, that we must be forgiving and loving with one another as often as possible. The Bible tells us that love covers over all wrongs. This is located in Proverbs 10:12. (See V*5). The word of God is also clear that we need to speak good things about those around us, constantly striving to build each other up rather than tear each other down. (See V*6).
Why keep a precise record of right and wrong with your husband or wife for example? I know it is difficult to just let go of certain things, but eventually to genuinely forgive someone we need to attempt to forget these offenses. If we do not do that, how can we expect God to forgive and forget about our sins? (See V*7).
I think having numerous so called “friends” may be dangerous according to Proverbs 18:24. (See V*8). It is better to have a few close friends that you can count on, rather than numerous friends who will not help you when the going gets tough. Another Proverb that I find quite interesting and related to friendship is located in Proverbs 27:5-6. (See V*9). To me this means that we should be careful about being on the receiving end of excessive flattery, and always treat the criticism of good family and friends with a careful respect. Hopefully in an attempt not to spurn correction, but embrace it like a secret love in accordance with the word of God.
I think that all these truths are interconnected and tie in with each other as we pursue Christ-like qualities and show each other love the way He intended for us. If you constantly try to embrace love, control your anger, and genuinely forgive those that do you wrong you will succeed in successfully partnering with other like-minded individuals and get further in life.
In the long run if you apply these principles, among others located in Proverbs and the word of God, you will make plenty of friends and even more acquaintances that will appreciate your company. It is also a good idea to assess your friendships from time to time, because eventually some friends move in a different direction than you are and it would be foolish to try to keep such a person lingering in your life. Let them fade out and move forward to do what God has planned for you. I am not necessarily saying that these old friends are bad people, but perhaps they do not appreciate your gifts and talents or maybe they just have another agenda going on. I would suggest not trying to force yourself on anyone or any group of people. God will put certain people in your life for a variety of reasons, and reveal certain things to you in His proper timing for you to make good, informed decisions.
I hope you all enjoyed part 2 to the “Choose Your Friends Wisely!” article, and I will definitely keep you the readers in my prayers. May God inspire you to always strive for more meaningful, lasting, and rewarding friendships and guide your path. Remember the key command related to friendships according to God's word is located in John 15:9-12 (See V*10).
Thanks again for taking time out of your busy schedules to read my article, I truly appreciate it and hope you learn as much from it as I did while putting it together!
Sincerely,
-Victor Nunez
Biblical References:
V*1- “About virgins: I have no command from the Lord, but I do give an opinion as one who by the Lord's mercy is trustworthy. 26 Therefore I consider this to be good because of the present distress: it is fine for a man to stay as he is. 27 Are you bound to a wife? Do not seek to be loosed. Are you loosed from a wife? Do not seek a wife. 28 However, if you do get married, you have not sinned, and if a virgin marries, she has not sinned. But such people will have trouble in this life, and I am trying to spare you.” 1 Corinthians 7:25-28 (HCSB)
V*2- “I want you to be without concerns. An unmarried man is concerned about the things of the Lord- how he may please the Lord. 33 But a married man is concerned about the things of the world- how he may please his wife- 34 and he is divided. An unmarried woman or a virgin is concerned about the things of the Lord, so that she may be holy both in body and in spirit. But a married woman is concerned about the things of the world- how she may please her husband. 35 Now I am saying this for your own benefit, not to put a restraint on you, but because of what is proper, and so that you may be devoted to the Lord without distraction.” 1 Corinthians 7:32-35 (HCSB)
V*3- “Don't make friends with an angry man, and don't be a companion of a hot-tempered man, 25 or you will learn his ways and entangle yourself in a snare.” Proverbs 22:24-25 (HCSB)
V*4- “Be angry and do not sin. Don't let the sun go down on your anger, 27 and don't give the Devil an opportunity.” Ephesians 4:26-27 (HCSB)
V*5- “Hatred stirs up conflicts, but love covers all offenses.” Proverbs 10:12 (HCSB)
V*6- “No rotten talk should come from your mouth, but only what is good for the building up of someone in need, in order to give grace to those who hear. 30 And don't grieve God's Holy Spirit, who sealed you for the day of redemption. 31 All bitterness, anger and wrath, insult and slander must be removed from you, along with all wickedness.” Ephesians 4:29-31 (HCSB)
V*7- “And be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving one another, just as God also forgave you in Christ.” Ephesians 4:32 (HCSB)
V*8- “A man with many friends may be harmed, but there is a friend who stays closer than a brother.” Proverbs 18:24 (HCSB)
V*9- “Better an open reprimand than concealed love. 6 The wounds of a friend are trustworthy, but the kisses of an enemy are excessive.” Proverbs 27:5-6 (HCSB)
V*10- “As the Father has loved Me, I have also loved you. Remain in My love. 10 If you keep my commands you will remain in My love, just as I have kept My Father's commands and remain in His love. 11 I have spoken these things to you so that My joy may be in you and your joy may be complete. 12 This is My command: love one another as I have loved you.” John 15:9-12 (HCSB)
Suggested Resources:
http://www.gotquestions.org/anger.html
http://www.towards-success.com/dejnarde_files/bible_study_anger.htm
Suggested Reading (Books):
“The Richest Man Who Ever Lived: King Solomon's Secrets to Success, Wealth, and Happiness” by Steven K. Scott – Excellent book that is based on the book of Proverbs and helps to practically apply such concepts to everyday life.